I may say that I'm now at the stage of enlightenment. Thank God for the things which transpired which led me to where I am today. As I said in my previous post, I chose to be in this insanely exhausting situation in order to train myself and appreciate things more.
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| soy milk and fruit every morning to gimme the boost |
To give you an idea about my work schedule now, here's my daily agenda:
4am: wake-up time4:10am : shower4:30am : walk to the office4:45am: time-in5:20am: call 1st student9:00am: go back home9:15am: sleep12:30pm: wake up /shower1pm: get dressed / prepare lunch1:30pm walk to work2-11pm work11:30pm arrive home12mn: sleep~~~~ this is my daily routine.
As you can see, I don't have free time anymore. Just work and home. I don't get the full rest which most of you enjoy
(not to mention take for granted). I have to endure this in order to earn a few pesos more and I wanna experience how it is to work like crazy. Due to this, I have more respect to people who work really hard to make ends meet. Exhausting as it may seem, this is only temporary so don't worry.
On my latest payday, I felt very happy to see a slightly higher figure in my payslip. It made me so proud to have endured such stress. All the days of shivering, palpitations, headaches and sleep hours I've missed all paid off. Most of all, I was glad to have the extra cash to treat my mom.
I've learned to appreciate my mom more these days.
Big realization for me. We sort of had a misunderstanding the past weeks due to her weird behavior. After thinking and analyzing stuff and with the help of one of my students, I've come to realize why she was acting that way.
It hit me really hard!My mom is a simple woman who have struggled all her life. Many are not aware but she graduated in one of the best universities in asia (
Tokyo University- so never underestimate her), yet she remains to humble herself to the point that most of her so-called friends and even relatives ridicule and mock her for not being financially able. It hurts to see people looking down at her and treat her like a helper so I have this tendency to always protect her and sometimes even do the fighting myself. We are not financially rich. I've depended on my grandma and dad for my schooling most of my life and I also had to work to support myself.
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| we love trying out new stuff |
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| she was the one who exposed me to gourmet stuff |
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| we love cheeses! |
After my parents separated... mom continued to work in real estate but never did she aim for success and riches. More often she would have no income. She also did not aim to marry again for she said she wanted to focus on me and taking care of pets. She did not pursue her passions in music, photography and in literature for she just wanted me to do them all instead.
She's my teacher. She taught me how to cook, write and dream... an
artist in her own right. Most of the time, I wondered why she seemed to have lost interest in life....'coz I never saw her pursue her dreams. Whenever we would talk about her dreams though, she would tell me she would like us to have our own business like a bakery, a cozy cafe or a studio someday.
I am always included in her dreams.Before, I got so frustrated at her because she seemed to stop living and just waited for doomsday.
But in reality, she never really stopped living...
I am her life. And the reason why she tends to overly treat me like a baby is because essentially, I'm the only one she's got.
I'm her investment... her masterpiece. Upon realizing these things, I broke down in tears and felt sooo sorry.
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| we both love shopping for cookwares |
I realized how selfish I was for neglecting her the past years... for trying to escape from her. All she did was give...but I just gave back a little. She wanted all the best for me... she wanted me to be comfortable. She didn't mind sleeping on a tougher bed just as long as I was comfortable with a softer one. She didn't mind doing the laundry for me despite having detergent allergies resulting for having damaged and rough hands only for me to wear clean clothes. I realized that she never experienced someone doing the laundry for her. I was away for so long... how could I be sooo selfish all these years? I knew we were close because we would often talk and would be very open to each other.... but I never appreciated the little things which she's been doing all my life. I now realize that though having open communications with your folks is vital, still, nothing beats physical efforts to show appreciation. Though she would often tell me how proud she is of me and how good of a daughter I am, I still feel I haven't done much to make her feel comfortable.
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| She wanted to have pesto |
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| She likes PizzaHut a lot! |
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| my messy plate |
This realization fueled me to work harder and not mind squeezing in doing extra chores for her despite my crazy work schedule. The following day, as I saw the piling laundry, I told her I'd gladly do it for her and told her I didn't want her to be stressed out. On my payday, I asked her out to go shopping. She's also a big fan of fancy cookwares and plates so we took a trip to the kitchenware section. Unfortunately, the serving bowl she wanted was already out of stock so we better go back next time. I took her to the grocery to buy her needs. This week, I did not buy stuff for myself... I still have enough. I just wanted to make her feel that I care. She chose all sorts of candy bars, cookies and snacks as well as her personal needs. We shopped for some gourmet items. She was the one who exposed me to gourmet stuff and cooking. I didn't mind spending extra for the things which will satisfy her. After that she wanted to have some pizza and pesto at Pizzahut. Though I know more restos with better tasting pizzas and pastas, I didn't really insist for I wanted her to feel like the boss on that day. We surely pigged out that time... but I never really mind gaining the extra weight for I can always go on a diet if I want to. After dining, we celebrated my camera's birthday
(check out my previous post).I love my mom, I love her for who she is, but I may say that I love her more today and I'm happy to be spending more time with her. She may not be known to many, she may not be an achiever, she may not be wearing nice fitting clothes or have spending power, she may not be the ideal mom but I love her all the same and she deserves much love and respect.
Whoever I am today, I owe it all to her!
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| the wind beneath my wings |
Yesterday, she expressed that she hopes to see me settling down someday with a man worthy of my love. She hopes I can find a good man to take care of me. I struggled not to show any tears.. I was really touched. I pray that whoever that man would be, I hope he would also love and respect my mom as well.
So for this Labor Day holiday, I'd like to dedicate this post to all of you who work hard day in and day out for your loved ones.
We are the heroes of today and we deserve all the happiness the world has to offer. May our loved ones inspire us more to succeed in life so we can give them the best. I'm proud to belong to the working class.
I take pride with what I do! |
| the breakfast I made for mum |
Thank you for allowing me to share a piece of me to you once again and this time a piece of my mom as well. I hope this entry would inspire you to appreciate your parents more. If you have neglected or have been treating your parents badly, well shame on you! It's not the end though, now is the perfect time to change. It's never too late to show them love and appreciation.
Have a wonderful week ahead!
God Bless!
love always,
Mae
