In Need of a Hug..

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I'd like to believe that I'm ok...(my mind at least) but my frail body seems not to be in shape.

still looking fab despite being ill

my maintenance m

I have been suffering from continuous palpitations for 3 days now. I must admit, I've been keeping
a lot of problems in my head for the past weeks. I prefer not to delve into them to avoid further stress.
I'd like to be optimistic yet realistic still. All I can say for now is that, being alone can be really tough...
Being an only child is a challenging task but I really don't wanna complain.

I believe I worry too much. That's my problem.

I have this condition which is called Mitral Valve Prolapse. It's not a disease... it's a condition~~~ meaning,
I had it with me since birth but it was only detected when I was 18 after suffering from severe depression.
I don't really know how fatal this is but some say that this can be a traitor.. like anytime, my heart can shutdown
and that's it! over! Scary right? This is probably one of the reasons why I always try to live my life to the fullest.
I always live my day as if it were my last.

Last night, I had difficulty while on my way home. My chest felt
very heavy the whole day. I felt I was drowning and dizzy. Fortunately, I didn't faint. I did my best not
to collapse. My bf used to pick me up from work but of course, I'm on my
own now (and didn't even thought of calling him to rescue me).
I now commute to and from my office. I bravely roam the streets at night. I must admit, I used to be very needy. I often demanded attention from him and depended on him to always look after me. I was so immature then.
Now, no matter how difficult my situation is, I do my best not to complain about it. I'd like to endure it as much as possible.
I'm a very responsible person. I wanna stay strong and overcome  these hurdles. I'm hopeful that all my plans would materialize.
I have soo many projects in-line and I can't wait to finish all of them.

I know that these trials are here to help me become stronger... to eventually prepare me for more responsibilities and
more blessings.

I'd like to stay focused and positive about things though I feel very alone.. yes I do. I know I have to get used to it.
I realized that I don't wanna be a typical "needy" girl anymore. I'd like to see myself as a person who can stand alone.
I don't wanna depend on others. I don't wanna be just any other girl that men take for granted.I'm too precious to be left behind. For now, I wanna have a less complicated life and I choose to be more mature on things.

My mom is not aware on my situation because I don't want her to worry much about me. I want her to be happy.
I wanna provide for her more. Please don't tell her in case you see her.

Furthermore, our company just moved into a new office building yesterday so I felt so stressed out with all the clutter and
the things which I needed to arrange. I don't really feel comfortable with my new small station. I have to adjust fast.

For now, though I can't really rest until the holy week vacation (still no plans) I will do my best to lessen my woes. I wanna keep on going and keep on smiling 'coz I have no choice. I badly need a vacation!!!
It's time to grow up!

Oh, I'd like to thank the people who texted and called me last night. Thank you for the concern. I really appreciate it!
Thank You for your prayers. I guess for now, I just need a really warm healing hug and some time to talk. I believe this would
help me a lot to recover fast. As I'm writing this entry, I'm still not feeling ok. My maintenance meds are just
starting to take effect. I know it's still not the time to die. No! No dying for now! I got so many reasons to live. I just started living actually!! I still have a long way to go! Please pray for my speedy recovery.