Year End Update...

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It’s been a while since I last wrote something decent. I believe that my mind is still isn’t as composed as I wanted it to be. I may say that it has been a conscious decision not to put my thoughts into writing for a while to allow myself to be more of an observer and reflect more. I do appreciate silence a lot due to the wisdom you can gain from it.. I look forward to more of it really! I believe that I am at my best  when I’m contemplating rather than talking. 

Phew, I just enumerated the events which transpired during the past months in my mind and boy do I feel  lazy to write all about them! I don’t wanna bore you of course by writing a long emotional article. Frustrating as they are, I don’t really wanna go through them anymore and I don’t have an obligation to report everything that is happening in my life anyway!  For now allow me to simply express my thoughts and be me. I just wanna write another damn honest entry.

I believe I’m doing quite a good job in picking up my broken pieces. I may say, I’m taking my time, not really in a hurry. Being extra gentle to myself and doing my best to learn from each passing experience. I never said I’m an expert  when it comes to these things. I know I still  have to learn so many lessons. I noticed that I’ve been freaking too hard on myself this year just to escape the pain.  So far I believe I’ve done a lot of productive things which I’m truly proud of (no regrets), not to mention spending them with the right people whom I have now learned to appreciate and love. They are the ones  who  treated me as a human being again. When I’m with them… I am myself. Not a singer/artist as I am known in my humble striving scene but just simply ME. Because of this, I am forever grateful. 

November 2010- more than a year after that traumatic (yes if you are reading this..yes it’s traumatic) end of that chapter in my life,  I may say that I’m in a much better plane now. Mixed emotions fill my heart. Thankful- for all the blessings I’m continually reaping day by day.  Lonely – at times when I miss the warmth of someone’s hand holding mine and hearing while someone whispers my name. Angry – by the fact I didn’t get any decent apology from all that trouble (not expecting one in a million years) Pride- coz I was able to rise above it all with flying colors!  Respect- I have more respect for myself now, I am more aware of my existence specially with my purpose and worth.  As to what a good friend told me, (Ate Cristy Hicban)“Constant Continuous Kindness” is what I should be getting.  I believe I was born for something bigger, something greater than what I am now.
Whatever it is, I must prepare for it. This not only goes for me but to all women who feel helpless and have been rejected.  I bought another crown ring last week to add to my collection and to constantly remind me that I'm a true queen in many ways.

I've been busy lately, busy observing people and observing on how I would react in certain situations. I've discovered a lot about myself and frankly speaking, I learned to appreciate myself more because I realized how more of a "good" person I am and how certain people could be so cruel to me despite the goodness I've shown them. I still go on shoots but not as often as before.I often find myself writing down the photo concepts I would like to do seriously. I also enjoy working on Adobe Light Room now. I find it soo fascinating!

I would also find myself doing the usual things I love doing like spending time in the supermarket, checking out fresh produce, bread, chocolates and snacks and I started cooking simple meals again and started eating "real" food. I don't really mind the extra weight. If time permits, I'd like to continue the weekly cooking show I used to do a year ago. I already got a lot of hits on youtube since I posted my videos. I also got a lot of requests.

Most of my 2010 was spent outdoors with good friends but now, I feel more comfortable at home because essentially, I am really a homebody. It feels really good to just be lazy the whole day, watch tv/dvd, work on my laptop, do some occasional naps, daydream, take pictures of objects/pets, strum my guitar, write something on paper... time isn't really wasted!

If there is one thing I would like to change, I'd like to drink less alcohol to prevent any addiction. I got very fond of drinking this year.I'm afraid I may be an alcoholic! Yaiks! That would be uncool! So I guess I'll just stick to having a glass of cocktail and that's it! No more beer! I really like cocktails... I find it sexy and sophisticated when a woman holds a cocktail on her hand no matter how she may look like. I wonder how men think of it but I find it very seductive. I guess it's the way how a woman carries her drink that fascinates me the most. To me it's more like how she gracefully handles the world! hahahha










As for next year, I don't really have any concrete plans but just be more serious about having fun! I already

booked a ticket for me and Badeth bound to Boracay next February and boy are we so excited!! A good motivation to shed more pounds.. hehehe i really wanna wear my swimsuit with  confidence ahahahah!!!

Behind all these happenings, there is someone whom I cannot talk about for now who has been my muse and driving force in all my endeavors. Words could never really describe how much this person has changed me so perhaps you should listen to the new songs I’ve written.  I’m not expecting anything

… just a smile I guess is enough to set free.

I’m still single. I’m not in an official romantic relationship now. This year is just for me I believe. In preparation for yet another adventure. If God willing, I guess next year would be a good year to find new love again. It would really depend on Him. I know that God will grant me a good man. I wonder who's gonna be the lucky guy! For the people who are asking me if I'm in-love.. the answer is YES! 'nuff said! =)